Been a while....

Yes, it's been way too long since I wrote anything here... I guess that's a good thing, since this seems to be the place where I vent or put things that I don't really want everyone to know about.

So you can probably deduce that something has come up.... and you'd be correct.

This weekend I'm going to Chicago and then to Detroit/Toledo to visit with family. Ryan and I are driving to Toledo early Sunday morning to meet up with my father, my cousin and his kids to go to Detroit for a Mets/Tigers game.

When I told my dad about my plans, he mentioned that he had a party to go to that night, and was it ok that he wouldn't be around after the game. I told him it was fine, and then I emailed my aunt and cousin to see if they were interested in having dinner. My aunt suggested we all get together at her place for a barbeque, which sounded perfect. And I was really fine with my dad not being around; I love seeing my aunt and cousins, since it happens so rarely, and Ryan hadn't seen some of them in over 4 years.

Last night when I was talking to my dad about other things, he said that he wasn't going to the party after all. I told him he didn't have to do that for me, to which he replied that he hadn't done it for me (there go those warm fuzzies again!); there was a woman who'd be there that he'd been dating, but was trying to end things with and didn't want to deal with it. OK, cool. So I figured it would be a different tone, but still fun with all the family together.

Then this morning my aunt emailed me and said that last night my dad had called her and asked her to invite the woman he broke up with last summer after 15 years together. This might be a good place for a little background: my dad and this woman were together many many years ago, when he was still married to my mother. My parents divorced, he married someone else. Then, many years into that marriage, he hooked up with this woman again, thus causing the end of his second marriage. They then went on to be together from about 1990 until last summer. They lived together and were as good as married.

I was never a huge fan of hers. She was so different from my dad; she never really seemed like she was having any fun. Ever. Always a sourpuss look on her face. Rarely laughing, never joking around. And she and my dad did everything -- they traveled literally all over the world. To me (and my sister) it seemed like she was just there for the money. She likes to live well. They would buy a new house, she'd decorate it, then they'd move. It was a hobby of hers. She had everything she wanted. She didn't work because she hurt her back doing Pilates many years ago. So she shopped. The amount of money that was spent on her was mind-boggling. I always figured it was a good trade-off: he got to do whatever he wanted and she wouldn't complain, and she got to buy whatever she wanted and he paid the bills. Great deal if you can get it.

We always got along, but she was never someone I'd go out of my way to spend time with. Plus, none of us kids ever got the impression that she liked us. We were never mean or rude, just cordial.

When my dad told me last summer that they had broken up, I was shocked. Shocked. But also happy. He said she was having a hard time with it, but he seemed ok with it. He bought her a house and pays her a lot of money each month so she can maintain her lifestyle. Just without him. She started dating someone else almost immediately, and pretty much so did he, but they kept in touch. Lately it seems that they were distancing themselves from each other more, but I never understood it when he'd say that they still talked a lot and she helped him with things like laundry and fixing things.

My uncle (his brother) was in NYC a few weeks ago, and Ryan and I had lunch with him. It came up in the conversation, and he said that he'd told my dad he always thought she was a golddigger.... Ryan jumped on the chance to voice his opinion and said "We thought that too!!!" I shushed him, but it was already out there. My uncle laughed and said he didn't think anyone would be shocked by that.

Anyway, I haven't spoken with her since they broke up, though she did send a lovely plant to my sister and brother-in-law after his brother passed away several weeks ago. She was always thoughtful with things like that.

So..... when my aunt told me that my dad wanted to invite her to the family dinner, I was first surprised, and then pissed. I was so looking forward to the first family gathering in many years where she wouldn't be there. She walks into a room and everyone just falls quiet; it was uncomfortable having her around when they were together, so I can't even imagine what it will be like now that they aren't. And WHY? I hope he doesn't think that Ryan and I want to see her! My aunt asked me if I was ok with it, and I told her it wouldn't be my first choice, but I certainly couldn't overrule what my dad had requested. Especially since he left this morning for a week of fishing in Canada, and is unreachable until Sunday morning when I get to his house.

I also have a problem with the fact that I just spoke with him last night and he never mentioned it to me. I think it's disrespectful for him to not tell me, especially when this whole dinner was planned because I was going to be alone that night, and my family wanted us to get together! Now it's turned into the "are they getting back together or not?" dinner instead. Not to mention that I think it's thoughtless for him to expect that just because he's ok with being with her, we all are supposed to be cool with it, too.

I don't know... am I crazy? Why can't men be alone for more than a day?! He's been telling us how great it is that he's "on his own" but the reality is that he's been dating ever since he broke up with her, and as soon as he decides he's done with the one at the party, the next call is to line this one up. I don't get it. And it frustrates me.

Argh.